Real Music & Real Estate . . .

Yiddishe Cup’s bandleader, Bert Stratton, is Klezmer Guy.
 

He knows about the band biz and – check this out – the real estate biz, too.
 

You may not care about the real estate biz. Hey, you may not care about the band biz. (See you.)
 

This is a blog with a gamy twist. It features tenants with snakes and skunks, and musicians with smoked fish in their pockets.
 

Stratton has written op-eds for the Wall Street Journal, New York Times and Washington Post.


 
 

13 HEALTH TIPS FOR CHANUKAH (AND THANKSGIVING)

by Bert Stratton

This is KlezFiction.  The complete KlezFiction series is here.

These 13 health tips are from my new e-book, The Klezmer Guy Tune Up, (which makes a great Chanukah gift!)

1. Eat your fist at least once a week.

2. Sing the beginning of “The Star-Spangled Banner” every morning.  It’s a major triad, 5-3-1.  It’ll align you.

3. Prick yourself.  If your blood isn’t bright red, immediately eat potato chips.  Any brand.  For the salt.

4. Therapy is always worth it, but don’t pay more than $150/hour.

5. Eat sardines once a week.  Lightly smoked Chicken of the Sea, in oil, is your best bet.

6. You need a gum graft. Get it now!

7. Drink olive oil in a shot glass daily.

8. Don’t knock Miller Lite. It does the job.

9. Visit a pawn shop today and buy a power tool. Get outside your bubble!

10. [For Catholics only: carry a smartphone at all times.  Sainthood is hard to prove if you don’t have good documentation.]

11. Eat a marshmallow with your dark chocolate. This helps your stomach absorb the flavenoids.

12. Gamble.  It fine-tunes the nervous system.  Try craps first.

13. Use Arby’s Horsy Sauce on all your salads, fish and fries.   It’s better for you than even tomato sauce.

—

There is no Klezmer Guy Tune-up book.  Like I said, this is  KlezFiction.

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3 comments

1 Ken G. { 11.27.13 at 9:30 am }

I suggest you have printed a hundred copies of this volume and leave it in several stacks on a lounge chair in the mall area of Eton Chagrin Boulevard. Add a sign stating the book is $50, and one can leave the cash in a bowl nearby, under the “honor system.” I’m sure the books will be swiped up quickly and you can make a killing this way.

2 Mark Schilling { 11.27.13 at 11:38 am }

I suggest reversing the order of 1 and 2. Open up the adenoids with the National Anthem, then insert fist.

3 Bert Stratton { 11.27.13 at 1:31 pm }

To Ken G. and Mark Schilling:

Thanks for the suggestions. I’m heading out to Eton Collection mall right now with some books.

Honor system may work, may not. We’ll see. It only takes one jerk to ruin an honor system.

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