Real Music & Real Estate . . .

Yiddishe Cup’s bandleader, Bert Stratton, is Klezmer Guy.
 

He knows about the band biz and – check this out – the real estate biz, too.
 

You may not care about the real estate biz. Hey, you may not care about the band biz. (See you.)
 

This is a blog with a gamy twist. It features tenants with snakes and skunks, and musicians with smoked fish in their pockets.
 

Stratton has written op-eds for the Wall Street Journal, New York Times and Washington Post.


 
 

CHECK OUT MY LIFESTYLE

by Bert Stratton

This is a fake profile.

I spit whenever and wherever I want.

I search the city dump for old toilet seats and crumpled milk cartons.  I use them for collages.  I reject traditional beauty.

I love TV.

I have very sexy legs.

I have a big house. I need another one.  I’m going to see a real estate agent on Friday.

I can’t read in the car.  That’s my major weakness: motion sickness.

I want to be Mr. Rogers, but not from Pittsburgh.  I’m tender and vivid, kids tell me.

My fields of expertise?  A few . . .

Rock and roll trivia, Oriental rugs and baking.  I talk mostly about baking, because everyone thinks that’s great; everyone likes cake.

I wear a Speedo bathing suit around the house in the summer. I hate air conditioning.

I trigger crises.

I love movies — all kinds: avant-garde, Jewish, Gay/Lesbian.   My favorite movie is The Awning Fabricator.  It’s Serbian.

Exercise sucks.

I’ve had ink ooze from my pens into my pants.

My girlfriend, Kiki, is sumptuous, intense, curvaceous and grotesque. She is  also a fugitive, mostly from my wife.

Let’s meet for lunch.  I’m in Aspen today.  I would love to see you.

Check out my lifestyle.

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Footnote: Four percent of the above verbiage is stolen from the  Poetry Project Newsletter.

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Forecast: Klondikes at Wiley

Be at Wiley tomorrow night (7:30 p.m. Thurs., July 25). See Yiddishe Cup.

Wiley Middle School is at 2181 Miramar Blvd., University Hts., Ohio.  Free music, free ice cream.  Indoors if raining. 

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5 comments

1 Mark Schilling { 07.24.13 at 10:13 am }

This is actually, you know, a poem.

2 Bert Stratton { 07.24.13 at 12:51 pm }

To Mark Schilling:

A prose poem. Yes. I should send it to Donald Hall. Or maybe I have. Can’t remember. I sent him a bunch of my wacky pieces.

Just checked. I did send him this. He wrote back, “The profiles are funny! They remind me of Finnegans Wake.” (That’s Hall’s idea of a joke.)

Fortunately — or unfortunately — I have a ton more profiles.

3 Mark Schilling { 07.24.13 at 8:34 pm }

The lines about Kiki are funny! BTW, “Kiki” is a Japanese woman’s name, used by several actresses. Check out this one, who is “fugitive from the wife” material: http://asianwiki.com/KIKI

4 David Korn { 07.25.13 at 10:13 am }

My wife was concerned that you were confessing to some inappropriate activity when you posted the story about “you” having an affair with your college professor. Too much (apparent) verisimilitude, maybe, in this one too. But I liked it. Kiki is a great name.

5 pork fish { 07.29.13 at 6:32 pm }

Wasn’t Kiki the girl that was gettin’ it on with Elton John in that song from the 70’s. Whatever happened to Sam the Sham?

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