10 HAPPY TIPS FOR 2017

by Bert Stratton

Because I play happy music (klezmer), people think I’m an expert on happiness.

I am. Here are some ways to be happier in 2017:

1. Wear shorts to a wedding. You’ll draw attention away from the bride, to you, where it belongs.

2. Sleep with an insect light on. Once a week works.

3. Start a doo-wop band.

4. Invent a new colonoscopy flavor. (Pineapple, cherry, lemon-lime and orange are already taken.)

5. Go to a fire station on Christmas Eve and serve kreplach.

6. Trade diarrhea stories with a friend over a campfire.

7. Convert to Christianity (or Judaism). Why spend your life in only one religion? See what’s out there.

7. Spend at least $1,000 on watches.

8. Re-watch Napoleon Dynamite.

9. Spy on your neighbor to learn what kind of beer and Smucker’s, he or she consumes. If you see Sugar Free Apricot, call the police.

9. Buy insurance for fun one afternoon.

10. Hold a pen horizontally in your mouth and bite down until the ink cartridge explodes. This activates the same muscles that create a smile.

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4 comments

1 Mark Schilling { 12.14.16 at 11:19 am }: For me happiness is a check in the mailbox — not the mail. There’s a difference.
2 wally Wood { 12.14.16 at 12:27 pm }: Lower your standards, to be where you are respected & desired.
3 Ken G. { 12.15.16 at 9:43 am }: I can add to this. First of all, one can always purchase and wear “Happy Socks” – available at Penney’s and Burlington Coat Factory and I’m sure elsewhere. A few comments, enhancements: 2. This might ensure yellow dreams. 3. How about coffee chocolate chunk, caramel seal salt, or pumpkin spice? 5. The guys at the fire station could use something heartier; how about teiglach or “Jewish” cheesecake of the heavy cream cheese type, with cherries?
4 Ted { 01.15.17 at 6:32 pm }: This reminds me of Jack Stratton humor.

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