11 HEALTH TIPS
1. Eat your fist once a week.
2. Sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” every morning. It aligns you. It starts with a major triad, 5-3-1.
3. If you’re blood isn’t bright red, eat cheese immediately.
4. Eat sardines. Chicken of the Sea, lightly smoked in oil, is your best good bet.
5. Avoid fad diets.
6. Drink a shot glass of olive oil once a day.
7. Don’t knock Miller Lite.
8. Exercise at least two minutes an hour.
9. Catholics: carry smartphones. Sainthood is difficult to prove if you don’t have evidence.
10. Eat a lot of marshmallows. They aid your stomach in absorbing the flavonoids.
11. Arby’s Horsy Sauce is better for you than tomato sauce.
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A slightly different version of this post appeared here 11/27/13.
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5 comments
No wonder you always look so healthy!
They ‘aide’ your stomach? Spell checker running amok? And how do you know whether your blood is ‘bright red’ or not without, um, sampling it? But otherwise, boss list.
I believe Mark Schilling is being what the kids today are calling “Savage.”
To Mark Schilling:
Thanks for catching the typo. (I have changed “aide” to aid.”) Was my mistake, not the machine’s!
Don’t knock Miller Lite \, well don’t forget POC, Pilsner on Call or was that …..
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