STINKY, STAINED FOAM

Garbage men and coin-op laundry men . . . the biggest sleazeballs.

Particularly coin-op guys.  Some of these men are descendants of mobsters.  (Landlords use coin-operated washers and dryers in apartment laundry rooms.)

I got locked into a 20-year contract with a coin-op guy and could never get out of it.  The opt-out clause was to send a certified letter 60-90 days in advance of expiration, with a $2 ochre stamp with sprinkles on it, or something.

Contracts — with my band and in real estate — they’re basically worthless.  If the client is a creep, you should figure that out in advance.  (Easier said than done.)

An upholstery-shop owner told me he was going to rent forever and die there, and then he bailed in two years.  He left several truck loads of stinky, stained foam in the store.

Immigrant storeowners, that’s what I often deal with.

The Korean man is raising his kids at the dry cleaners.  Maybe he has beds in the basement.  One of my Chinese guys put a shower in his basement.  I caught him but let it go.  Against city code.  He said he was a descendent of  nobility.

A lot of foreigners say they’re nobility. One man from Azerbaijan had a last name with 17 letters in it.  I told him to change his name.  He didn’t like that.  He said he was royalty.

My father changed his name in 1941 from Soltzberg to Stratton.  He couldn’t get a job even though he was a Phi Beta Kappa chemistry grad from Ohio State.

Immigrants, in negotiations they’ll bring their wives and  kids — whatever it takes to get a low-ball price on a lease.  The archetypal Korean wife . . . ballistic – basically histrionic – in negotiations.  But once the lease is signed, the Koreans are golden.

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Tomorrow:

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FAMOUS PEOPLE GONE? . . . About Harvey Pekar, Flory Jagoda and LeBron James

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